Time Heist has stolen my heart

 Yes, Time Heist is really that..alright.

God this series is so terrible. I wouldn't even call Time Heist a 'good' episode. It's alright, maybe just about enjoyable. However the previous four outings for this series (Man Listen still makes me cry) having been...less than alright. Time Heist just being 'alright' is enough. All aboard the mother fuckin' HYPE TRAIN!

So the Doctor, Clara and two mysterious characters (Psi and Saibra) have been recruited by the mysterious Architect to rob the mighty Bank of Karabraxos, the most secure bank in the universe.
Not bad, not bad, fairly standard kinda thing.
I'll try to be as un-spoilery as I can. Overall, while I do appreciate Time Heist for trying to be relatively clever, it's overall timey-wimey...ness does dissolve the plot towards the end as the threads come together. But, overall it has some brains, constantly wrong foots you and is actually quite solid narratively if you can get past the timey-wimey-ness.

Oh my. Now THAT'S a Monster.

This big beastie is called 'The Teller'. In a more out-there sci-fi idea, the Teller can detect (or, Tell in fact) guilt in people, therefore it can tell if someone's going to rob the bank. Clever, hm? Yep, I thought so too. In the first few minutes, he does turn someone's brain into soup, which is both fascinating and vile. Naturally, the Teller isn't actually evil, and has just been blackmailed into it by Miss Delphox, because, in Leyman's terms, 'she's keeping 'is bird in the back room'

Unfortunately, Miss Delphox is one of the problems with Time Heist. Keeley Hawes is supposed to be a good actress (I don't know personally, I haven't seen her in anything), but she's greatly underused in her part (well parts if you know what I mean). It's as if they ran out of budget for her, so had to cut short to make the rest of the series.

To be brutally honest, all of Time Heist feels a bit...cheap. The distinct overuse of the same bloody corridor is particularly noticeable. Apart from the Teller, there's a distinct lack of Aliens in Karabraxos. Everything seems stretched thin, as if they made the Teller, some of the sets and the CGI, then realised they had about two pounds left and they still had to buy lunch, so had to be super economical.

Going back to the overall timey-wimey-ness of the episode definitely seems to have turned everyone off Time Heist except me. I enjoy complex stories (Inception, yes please!) because I despise predictable TV. But much like the Budget, Time Heist's story is also stretched a bit too thin. Another episode which could have greatly benefited from having two parts.

But overall, this is the best we're getting for the next 3 or 4 episodes. Now, I have some business to...Caretaker of.

That joke was rubbish. Sorry.

Final Grade: B--

Very Timey-Wimey, but good enough.

Listen *Heavy Sobbing*

Never have the word of good ol' Ben Kenobi ringed more true than now.

On it's face value, Listen isn't half bad. For most people, it's a great episode, and I could agree, but what would be the fun in that? I was told by a friend that Listen was going to be good. I was hyped, I was hoping it would be good, then I saw behind the façade and saw the TRUTH!

Oh baby I had fun tearing this to shreds and burning the remains. So let's get started. If you're like me (I hope you're not, I'm unique), you might have twigged that this episode is straight up shit.
Every second bleeds lazy writing, stolen ideas and something not too dissimilar to plagiarism. Yes Moffat, the plagiarism finger is being pointed at YOU.
Everything reeks of unoriginal ideas being stolen and re-purposed (like the Cybermen used to when they were good. Fuck you Neil Gaiman). In my personal list of 'Things Listen stole from Better episodes', there was Utopia, Blink, Hide, The Big Bang and Night Terrors just to name a few.

Don't even get me fucking started on this fucker.

People may like him, but I fucking don't. Now matter which space suit you put him in, or whatever name you give him, Danny Pink is Danny Pink and Danny Pink is shit. His purpose is the same as Gwen Stacy from Spider-Man (don't get me started on the 2 and 1/2 half long piece of shit that was The Amazing Spider Man). He exists only as a plot device, only to create and solve plot points because I'm sure it's less pressure on Steven Moffat's tiny brain. And Orson Pink is Danny Pink, and is also dreary and lifeless. But, Samuel Anderson isn't a bad actor. In Trollied, a comedy set in the fictional supermarket Valco, he's an assistant manager (also called Danny), but he's good! Why can't we have that?

Don't give Listen your time. It's a Frankenstein's monster of an episode, ideas re-purposed en masse in the hope that they will disguise each other. It's the epitome of shit Doctor Who, and is the perfect illustration of all the problems Modern Doctor Who has. Just ignore this piece of shit.

Final Grade: F
Fail on all levels. I can't even words.

Robot of Sherwood isn't bad

I can't say much about Robot of Sherwood. It's rather insubstantial and silly, fairly standard throwaway episode. I mean, yeah, it was dumb in a silly way, but it was entertaining.

There's isn't much to say at all. Capaldi is ever good, and Coleman isn't that bad, she's just kinda fangirling the whole time. Her scene with the Sheriff is actually quite good. Robin Hood and his arguing with the Doctor is funny, but the Merry Men I think could have been used more. The forest itself is very nice, something right out of Merlin. The robots are interesting designs, but are fairly bog-standard generic villains with no real EVIL motivations. While they have a nice presence and look, there just there because we needed a villain.

The only real thing to talk about is the controversy about the ending. While I understand they changed it, as it was a grisly subject, you can feel the end was a bit of rush job. While the Sheriff being Terminator 2'd in molten gold was cool, I still think it would have been cooler if he had been a robot, as the episode title doesn't really work.

But yeah, it's enjoyable and not half bad. A bit silly and disposable, but at least it's not Listen...

Final Grade: C

Insubstantial, throwaway episo...wait what was I talking about again?

Into the Dalek gets into some problems

So, the Daleks are back, and now we can stop crossing our fingers. And I gotta say, it as alright.

At best.

Rusty is probably the best character in the whole episode.

As the entirety of the World will be pleased to hear, Into the Dalek has no 'new paradigm' Daleks, so there's a point. Also, it's only co-written by Moffat. Bonus point! As usual, it all looks great (especially Rusty above), sounds great, and surprisingly few plotholes. Instead, for this week only, we get crap writing! Hooray!

Actually, this episode gets quite a few bonus points. It's an original idea, and an INTERESTING one at that. The continuation from Deep Breath with the three-week old coffee, and leads directly into the episode. The basic premise is future, lots a Daleks, and the human resistance has a malfunctioning Dalek hostage (called 'Rusty' by the Doctor). So, the Doctor, Clara and a few soldier/cannon fodder types go into the Rusty (not that way...) and fix the problem. Simple. How they managed to mess it up so seriously is really quite incredible.

Into the Dalek starts with some pretty BIG moral questions. The Doctor asks Clara in the first few minutes 'Am I a good man?' Hmm, indeed. That's pretty deep, I'm impressed. Then less than 10 seconds later, he jumps up and basically says 'now, Clara, wanna go see some Daleks?' And while seeing what it's like being inside a Dalek's casing is awesome and unique, it doesn't want to answer those big questions from earlier at all.

Now that's cool. A tiny Doctor standing eye-to-eye (literally) with his greatest nemesis. Now that's cool! 

However, on board the Aristotle, the Resistance's ship, the rest of the Daleks have come looking for their buddy. So yes, and the best part of four years, we see people getting exterminated, in droves. Oh boy it was worth it.

However, it's still got problems. Clara gets some character, questioning the Doctor's morality and generally being... a good character. Blimey, that was hard to say. This opportunity is wasted, as Clara's development is written, but the Doctor isn't, not getting much in the way of development. Maybe he could be developed by his actions, but the episodes are so damn short he can't do anything that develops his character. The other minor characters are alright, not great, but above average as far as supporting characters go. 

But, you can't help but feel the Daleks got the short straw in their own episode. Rusty provides the only major moral questioning in the episode, when he and Doctor get mentally linked, and sees the 'divine hatred' of the Doctor. And after slaughtering the rest of the Dalek boarding party, he says one of the best lines of Modern Who ever.

"I am not a good Dalek. You are a good Dalek"

I'm sure for many people, series 8 is their first series, but Into the Dalek seems to think everyone watching knows what the Daleks are and what they do. While this isn't a problem for me or the people I hang out with, for the casual viewer, that's quite a big ask.

While we're supposed to supposed to be getting big, superpowered Dalek empires, like in ye olden days of 2005 (God Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways. Such good memories). But, we're just supposed to know this. Although the Dalek empire in this episode, there's not much to go on. Yes, the ship at the beginning was HUGE. But, what if the Aristotle is just tiny, and the ship was just an average sized one? The Daleks don't seem to have this universe conquering power Into the Dalek suggests. Why didn't they just blow the Aristotle to bits? I know it wouldn't have made a good episode, but...

This is a glorious sight. Or, is it?

So, we all know the 'new Paradigm' Daleks were met with the same hostility as a hamburger in a Vegan committee meeting, so they buggered off for a series. When the Daleks returned in Asylum of the Daleks, we had our beloved Time War/Bronze Daleks as 90%, with the New Paradigm as a less numerous 'officer class'. Lets presume the big ship from Into the Dalek is some sort of command vessel. Why are there no officers on that ship, or is this not the control room/bridge thing? So, why are being showed this? Luckily, they've decided to write out the new ones altogether, so that's good. But, as much as the Time War Daleks are much cooler, they've got problems.

Well, there's no real class difference between drones and leaders, with of course the exception of the Emperor and the Supreme from The Stolen Earth/Journey's End, but that's it. And, the height is a problem. In 2005, when the Daleks were redesigned, they were made intentionally to be at Billie Piper's eyeline for Dalek (My favourite episode ever). While Billie Piper isn't exactly short, Matt Smith and Peter Capaldi are much taller, and a killing machine is less threatening when it's scraping at your ankles.

So yeah, Into the Dalek, not a bad episode, just kind of...empty. And although it was hinted our beloved Rusty would return, unless we see him in series 9, he's probably not coming back at all. I'm sorry, but you will be in our hearts Rusty. In the event of him not returning, here's a funny .gif of Rusty.

Final Grade: C+

Tries hard, falls flat. But has Daleks.

Why the Daleks are awesome

I'm sure it won't surprise you, but I love the Daleks. They're my favourite Dr. Who villain of all time (and space). Not only are they a design that's survived almost unchanged apart from minor details for almost the entire 52 years of the Show, but they got two films, some great episodes, and became a British icon (which is quite odd that they're based on the Nazis...).
However, over the past few years of Doctor Who (about 2010 onwards), there's been a lack of Dalek episodes (not just minor appearances, focussed episodes), and they've all been a bit rubbish.

I'm not putting a picture up because I don't wan't to be complained at for torture, but we got some horrific new designs in 2010, and a terrible episode to boot. The new designs are ugly, chunky and disgustingly coloured, as if someone said 'it's too dangerous. Remove the sharp edges, make it safer for kids'. Doctor Who design department, it's a battle tank that can think for itself, and it's only thought is 'KILL EVERYTHING! EXTERMINATE!', It's not supposed to be safe, it's going to kill you! Victory of the Daleks? More like murder. Genocide of the Daleks.

I believe Moffat said 'it's no more running for the Daleks, now only big empires from now on!' or something like that. But, as ever, empty promises. So, after a short hiatus, the Daleks returned in 2012's 'The Asylum of the Daleks'!

I'll do a proper review later, but basically Asylum was a complete mess in the most spectacular way possible, it's fascinatingly terrible. Beforehand, Moffat shat his trousers and basically said 'no new Daleks this time. All the old ones, it's gonna be great!'. However, it naturally didn't deliver and was quite simply one of the worst episodes of series 7 and the revived series altogether.

So, now after being on a two year hiatus this time, the Daleks are back for real, all new and shiny with a new Doctor. Let's hope this isn't 2010 all over again, as we go, Into the Dalek...