Deep Breath is a Terrible Episode.

"The Fuck is this?"-Half-Faced Man, 2014

Deep Breath is a terrible episode, and not for the reasons you think. Allow me to explain.

So, Capaldi's debut as the kinda old-new Doctor is some of the worst Doctor Who I have ever seen, but you would be surprised.

What works:

• The Look: As shown in the picture above, this episode is beautiful. The Half-Faced Man is an incredible design, and creepy to boot. A detachable hand with a flamethrower in it? That's AWESOME! Like, chainsaws that shoot lasers cool! As ever, the costumes are magnificent, from Vastra's dress to the Doctor's stolen clothes, gawd it looks great.
• The Characters: I seem to be one of the few people who enjoy the Paternoster Gang, and for good reason. They actually work as characters, as a singular entity. Think of them like Elizabeth, Will and good ol' Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. Will and Elizabeth offer emotional weight and allow the plot to advance, while Jack can go and bumble around being funny. Story? Check. Funny goofball character that people pay to see? Check! Emotional weight as a sad love story?...Just about, yeah. And, it's so damn simple IT WORKS! The Paternoster gang work like those 3, but with more scales, lesbianism and aliens. Coleman is also doing well this episode, but Capaldi is too. However, he's part of the problem...

What ther fuck yer on aboot yer weedeh Englishmahn?

What doesn't work:

The focus of the episode. Had it been literally any other episode this series, I wouldn't have cared. But, for this one, it fails on it's basic premise. But it doesn't fail epically in Michael Bay-esq propane explosions, or even farts out like a baloon. No, it just flops. Flops like a...flip flop I don't fucking know.

First episode of a new Doctor, what do we want? That's right! Character development of the new Doctor! Do we get any? No fucking chance!

It feels almost Capaldi was an afterthought. Moffat was writing along, as he does, doing some shit writing and all that. Then, as he types the last full stop, drinking the last swig of coffee from his TARDIS mug, he suddenly stops:

"Oh bugger. I've written Doctor Who, WITHOUT Doctor Who!".

Which is why this episode fails so spectacularly. It's lack of focus on the new Doctor makes this episode meaningless, which is sad because almost everything else is in place. But instead, at a time of change in Doctor Who, all we can do is focus on established characters rather than, you know, the MAIN ONE.

FINAL GRADE: D

D for Disappointing, Deep Breath and..um...Doctor Who?